As a child, you didn't have a sense of right and wrong. You were authentic in expressing yourself, but your primary caregivers didn't always approve of certain aspects of your personality. These caregivers were crucial for your well-being - they provided food when you were hungry, put you to bed when needed, and comforted you in times of distress. Since they were the ones who introduced you to the world, you looked up to them as almost godlike figures. Believing that they could never be wrong, you trusted their judgments more than your own feelings. When a caregiver disapproved of a part of your expression or emotions, you suppressed that aspect in order to seek their approval and fit in. As a child, the need to belong was more important than being true to yourself because your survival depended on it. Since the disapproved part was still a part of you, you couldn't completely detach from it, leading to denial, rejection, or suppression. This denied part of yourself becomes a shadow in your subconscious, lingering until you stop judging it and fully embrace it as a part of who you are.
Even a simple interaction with a teacher or a friend can create a shadow within you. In your early years, up to the age of 8, you underwent the process of socialization, where you learned the norms of your society. To blend in with others, you likely chose to suppress or reject aspects of yourself that were deemed unacceptable by them. This is a common experience for everyone, although the extent may vary. These suppressed parts are often labeled by you as "angry", "rude", "dumb", "over-sensitive", "annoying", "not good enough", or any traits you unconsciously chose to conceal from those around you in order to avoid criticism and rejection.
It is worth noting that what is considered unacceptable in one society may be valued in another society. Often, we fail to recognize that the characteristics we rejected or suppressed as children could be appreciated by those we encounter as adults. It is crucial to acknowledge that the ideas of "right" and "wrong" are highly subjective.
Shadow work involves shedding light on our shadows, meaning that we acknowledge and become conscious of the parts of us that we unconsciously suppressed, denied, rejected or disowned, which then allows for the process of integration to take place. By engaging in shadow work, we reassess our self-image. Delving deeper into our negative self-perceptions leads us to uncover their roots. Viewing these beliefs through an adult lens helps us understand how they were initially formed. This process changes the narrative of the experience we had as a child in our subconscious mind. It brings us face to face with the parts we had rejected, suppressed, disowned, or denied, bringing acceptance in our hearts- therefore, enabling integration.
Journaling and meditation are two of the most powerful tools of shadow work that you can easily do yourself. Inner child therapy, regression therapy, guidance counselling are other ways that can help you do your shadow work.
It is important for you to face your shadows as this practice reduces the internal mental conflict you experience on a daily basis, increases mental clarity, and therefore, leads to a heightened level of peace. You reach a point where you have an immense amount of compassion for yourself and others because you realize that all labels are actually illusory. You realize through direct experience that everyone is inherently worthy of love, including your parents!
To love yourself is to accept yourself. Hence, the key to happiness is complete self-acceptance through self-awareness!
Have a good day!
Mrinalini
Comments